I Once Was Lost, but Now I'm Found. Was Blind, but Now I See.

Challenging, frustrating, sad, stressful---those are the words that describe my first month on the job. But before you begin to think that my life is sinking into the depths of despair, I will tell you what I have learned.

1. There is an overwhelming need for Christ. Prior to this job I thought I already knew that, but after working day in and day out with people who have given their lives over to drugs & alcohol, abuse & neglect their children, and have no respect for authority, I realize that I did not truly know. I have seen their tears of remorse and heard them apologize to sobbing children who were far too young to understand how addiction had robbed them of their Daddy and Mommy. I have seen them complete program after program and rehab after rehab, always leaving with high hopes of staying sober and leading a stable life---only to return to the meth or cocaine a few weeks, a few months, a year later---which leads me to the second thing I am continuing to learn.

2. I cannot change people. Once again, I already knew this, but had never really been tested before. Seeing the relapses and consequences (especially for the kids) is enough to drive a person insane. It makes me angry, disappointed, and frustrated.
But then I think of God. How must He feel when we sin repeatedly after getting clean and have those same high hopes of never doing it again, or when we willfully ignore His gracious offer of assistance? It is humbling to consider His level of longsuffering, forbearance, and mercy. While I'm standing over there judging and raring to mete out justice to the people whom I believe have used up all their chances and are hopeless cases, I conveniently forget that God does not give up on me. Nor does He give up on the person addicted to meth; He wants that soul to repent and enter heaven just as much as he wants mine.

I have to check my attitude every day. It is much easier and more comfortable to believe that I am better than the young woman addicted to cocaine who has 4 children and no husband, but such an attitude is hateful, foolish, and completely at odds with God. Am I really better than her? No. I'm a sinful creature who caused Christ to have to die on the cross. The only difference (from the eternal perspective) is that I have blessedly found the gift of salvation, but she is still searching even if she doesn't admit or fully realize it. Every single day, I work with people and families who are drowning in the ocean of sin and see no way out. There are many struggling victims, but not enough life rafts or people calling from shore to offer hope. Please pray for them.


"And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will." ~II Timothy 2:24-26