3 Dogs & a Minivan

Do not be deceived by Eleanor's peaceful expression--I have learned that my dogs turn into hyperactive hounds on long road trips.

I loaded the luggage in the van and proceeded to be hauled out of the yard by three dogs (a 50, 60, & 80 pounder) who were excited, to say the least, to be going on a trip.

I attempted to walk them on leashes to the van but ended up doing that amusing half skip/half run--sort of like when you start running down a steep hill and can't stop; only I was on a flat surface with no mountainous regions for miles.


If my neighbors were watching, I'm sure they were thinking "Who is the lunatic attempting to dog sled without the sled? Honey, call U-Haul! We're moving!".

Are we ready yet, Mom?

Once my precious puppies (by that time, I was calling them other names--such as you stupid dog and mangy cur, in between pleading with them not to jerk my arms out of their sockets or plant me face first in the mud) were safely enclosed in the van, I collapsed in the driver's seat and briefly considered calling the whole thing off when it occurred to me that doing so would mean I would have to drag the hounds back into the yard. I then decided that I would drive to Alaska if necessary to keep from unloading them until I had time to recover.
Before I had even put the key in the ignition, Stanley had decided that he did not like his seat and wanted to move up front. I yelled "Get back!" and "Don't you dare climb over the backseat!". Before you start to think that I was completely unprepared, let me remind you that I had purchased a large dog crate for Audie and Stanley. However, I did not know that once fully assembled, it would no longer fit in the minivan. Earlier in the week, I had attempted to take out the backseat to make room for the crate. The seat weighed approximately 3,000 lbs., however, and I gave up after 10 minutes when I realized that I had managed to move it, oh, 1/8 of a centimeter, or so.

I then tethered Stanley and Audie's leashes to the head rests thinking they would stay in one place. No such luck. I had to have the only two dogs on the planet who thought it would be fun to jump out of the van as I was closing the hatch. I guess they just wanted to see for themselves what it felt like to dangle in the air with leashes tied to the head rests. So much for safety. I quickly lifted both dogs back in and unhooked their leashes while my neighbors said "Forget the good silverware! She's hanging her dogs!There's no time to wait for the U-Haul!"

We finally made it out of the driveway. Eleanor then felt the great need to put her big bulldog face with the 26-inch tongue right next to my ear and whine for 45 minutes because obviously her owner had not suffered enough.

I need a truck.

The end.